


Breeze

by sarahjean



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Dan Howell/Phil Lester - Freeform, M/M, interactive introverts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-17
Updated: 2018-07-17
Packaged: 2019-06-12 02:43:31
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,019
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15329985
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sarahjean/pseuds/sarahjean
Summary: Usually Dan is the one sitting awake at ungodly hours of the morning quietly pondering all the usual things. Death, our career, our future and so many other things. Now it’s my turn. For me, I always lead towards our future. Our lives after this second tour is over. The plans we made over a glass or two of wine. All the big things that are incredibly amazing to think about.





	Breeze

It’s four in the morning in a hotel room in good old sunny Florida. The windows to the balcony are open and the first sparks of sunrise are creeping past the iron railings. Dan is snoring just loud enough to hear but no where near loud enough to be annoying. He was tired last night and once we got back to our room he stripped down to his boxers and climbed into the hotel sheets. The show was exhausting and then there was no downtime before everyone on the crew decided they wanted to go out for dinner and drinks. To which Dan was quick to agree with. All of us were out till at least half twelve but Dan insisted the two of us go out onto the beach outside the hotel and walk along the ocean. 

We walked for about half an hour before he was clearly trying to hide the fact that multiple times a minute he was covering a yawn because he didn't want to give up any time while we were alone and somewhere no one else was. So I took the liberty to slowly making our steps waking further away from the ocean each time we moved until there was solid pavement under our bare feet. “Phil why’d you do that? We were having a good time.” He replied far too long after putting his feet on solid ground. 

To which I replied with. “It’s one am and I know for a fact that you did not sleep well last night because I heard you rolling around and moving around all night meaning neither of us have had properly rested in at least twenty four hours. So yes, I lead us back here but we need sleep. I’ll drag you upstairs if I have to.” He knew I was right so i we went up to the room. He got in bed with me right behind him and we fell asleep. At least for a while. 

Usually Dan is the one sitting awake at ungodly hours of the morning quietly pondering all the usual things. Death, our career, our future and so many other things. Now it’s my turn. For me, I always lead towards our future. Our lives after this second tour is over. The plans we made over a glass or two of wine. All the big things that are incredibly amazing to think about. 

We want so much more. It’s our dream to be parents to have children who rely solely on us. To wear our stupid expensive rings all the time and not just hidden under shirts on chains or in our pockets. We did buy them to show off the fact that the commitment was there. Other dreams like actually finding more normal jobs that maybe don’t pay as much but give us the sense of fulfillment. Nothing is set in stone, other than our marriage. 

Adoption agencies have turned us down. Surrogates have said they will not carry a child for us, and who would hire us. (Not that we’ve looked but I haven’t used my degree in years and Dan doesn't even have one). No experience in the working world makes us likely to be turned down because there’s nothing but a couple teen jobs to show for our abilities. For now we still have YouTube. A somewhat steady income that allows us to live quite comfortably for people our age.  
It’s not set in stone and that’s what makes me anxious. We have no solid plans except to keep making videos until some other things get worked out. 

It’s now closer to five than four. The sun is peeking over the ocean. A gentle breeze comes from the balcony and I sit here in bed looking at a wall because for some reason my head is still awake and doesn't want to feel rested. I can tell I won’t sleep anymore tonight. No use staying in bed when I’ll just end up waking Dan and making a bear out of him. 

I pulled the covers off me just enough to slip out without putting Dan off if he gains slight consciousness. The breeze is cold against my chest so I dug through my suitcase till I had a pile on the floor and a sweater over my head. I walked out to the edge of the balcony. The view was beautiful. The ocean stretches far out of view and the palm trees sway in the wind. With my elbows rested on the iron railing I could see people milling about down on the paths to the beach. All those people that just needed to catch a beautiful Florida sunrise but had rooms on the other side of the buildings. 

Soon enough my elbows were in pain because leaning against iron does not feel good after a while. So I stood up fully and turned to look back into the room. Dan was still fast asleep with his back towards me. I was almost tempted to wake him to watch the sunrise together but he needed it. The whole crew needed it whenever there was a moment to rest. I decided to just watch it alone on the couch waiting for my head to clear or Dan to wake up and make it all better. 

Sunrise came and went. The sun was now high enough in the sky for my glasses to change color and into sunglasses. It was wonderful but now it was getting late. Our days are no longer allowed to be spent lazing about in bed. We’re on tour and that means mornings have to start soon after the sun has come back for another day. I looked back at the bed again to see Dan missing. The shower wasn’t running, and he wouldn’t have left without telling me. I was confused until his lovely morning voice was cooing at me. “Phil how long have you been up? I was thinking you’d sleep later than me.” 

I turned back around to see him in front of me with coffees that had been brewed downstairs in the lobby. “I woke up at four.” He place the one cup in my hand and sat down so close that our legs touched. Not something unusual but definitely comforting. “I didn’t want to wake you.” His arm then came around my back and pulled me to rest up against him. 

“What was keeping you up? You should have got me up so we’d get it all sorted and still sleep enough.” Worry crossed his face. The same kind of worry that I look at him with when he’s having one of his bad days. “Are you just so tired that you can’t sleep? Cause I know that happens to you.” 

“No, it’s not that. I was just thinking. All the plans it scares me that none of them are set in stone. I like order and schedules and our life right now is just messy and is all about tour and not about the things we promised to do with each other for each other. I’m just stressed about things we can’t do anything about for a few months.” I brought the coffee cup to my lips and tasted some. It was sweet just how I always insisted on having it. “I’m sorry for being so silly. It’s all going to be worked out. I just get so worried.” 

“It’s good that you’re planning ahead. Or at least thinking about it but, it shouldn't wake you up and keep you from sleeping. I love that you just want to get things in order but at this moment the only concerns you should have are if you perform the best show you possibly can.” He leaned over to press a butterfly light kiss to my cheek. “I love you no matter what and when tour is over and we get back home all those worries are going to happen in the way they’re supposed to. Finish your coffee then we can get some pancakes to make you feel better.” 

We sat for another twenty minutes until both our cups were drained and our bodies snuggled close and then my stomach growled a bit too loud. “You must be hungry. Go get dressed while I find somewhere to get you those pancakes.” He sat up and slid down to the other side of the couch and pulled out his phone. I looked over at him. Dan’s hair was so fluffy today. It was probably due to the humidity but there was nothing he or I could do. Neither of us brought straighteners this time so the curls would stay and just be a little messy. 

I looked up and down his lanky body and noticed he wasn't dressed for going out either. “Dan you might also want to get dressed. I don’t want to see a fan with you wearing my shirt. Plus you do look really good in ripped jeans.” We both chuckled for a moment. After the moment was over I went inside only to find the mess I’d made earlier picked up and somewhat neatly placed back in my suitcase with two very specific items on top. 

“I thought you’d look good in that.” Dan said as he passed behind me and into the bathroom. The clothes he’d left on top were a combination I’d never ventured into. My favorite flannel shirt and ripped jeans I had to buy for a video. Dan was counting on the fact that he always seemed to be right when he picked clothes for me, at least when it was just for the two of us and not a silly video. I put it on because in truth I did trust his fashion sense when I came to me. He knows me too well to know when something is too far out of my comfort zone and therefore not suggest it. Today though I figured I could wear the jeans and see if it’s everything Dan says it’s cracked up to be. 

After closing the second button closest to the top I walked over to the mirror. It was good the quiff, the buttons not fully done up and the jeans hitting at the right spots. I felt confident, which was something I’d been feeling a lot more recently. I think it was the hair that helped the most with that endeavor. “You look amazing.” Dan cooed as he came out of the bathroom and wrapped his arms around my middle. “It looks good on you. Confidence I mean. I’m so proud of you for getting past that damn fringe disaster. It was becoming and eye sore and that’s coming from your biggest fan. I’m glad that everyone is seeing what I saw all along.” He pressed his lips to my hair. “Now I've got to find a way to look good so I don’t upstage you. Seeing as I am the king of fashion.” 

He walked away from the mirror leaving me to continue to look at the new look. I felt great. I felt strong. I felt free because for once there wasn't a fringe hiding my face and a zany tee-shirt blanketing my insecurities. They were all on display today. Everything I’d been afraid to show off was now out and in the open. I’m sure it’s not going to be an everyday look for a while but today it feels right to be exposed. 

“You ready to go get pancakes?” I followed him out the door and down the halls. No one was there but I held my head higher and carried myself like I knew I looked good because it’s what Dan would want but, it’s what I would want too. Down in the lobby there were a few twenty something girls who looked up when we walked passed them. They giggles to each other like I've seen girls do many times before. Mostly at Dan, sometimes for me. Dan noticed smiled then took my hand in his as we walked out of the building.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading


End file.
